“I hate his guts,” the Monster slams the dinner table in rage. My plate rattles and some soup spills out. I crane my neck up and look at the ugly countenance of the Monster. It’s so repulsive, it sends a chill down my spine. Doesn’t matter how many times I’ve seen him, my reaction is always the same. The Monster has been coming around more often lately. I blame Adnan Sadeq.
Adnan came into my life, oh, I don’t know, more than fifteen years ago. My relationship with him has been rocky since then. Sometimes up, most of the time down. I’m not the kinda guy who gets into people’s faces, you know. I’m happy doing my own thing, but I don’t react well when people act like snakes. And Adnan Sadeq is a snake.
When my company hired Adnan, he was a low level technician and frankly, he wasn’t that good. Just average. What he was good at was cutting you out of the loop. Frustrating the hell out of you, until you just don’t want to be in the same space as him. Passive aggressive. Doesn’t answer your questions. Hides information from you. And he does it all with a smile on his face. Makes it look like he’s your best friend, all the while he digs a hole right underneath you. And when I lashed out against his attitude, I was the one who ended up looking bad.
You see, he has a winning formula. He smiles and laughs and does exactly what people ask of him. If they want to get a new computer. Sure. They want a lock installed on their doors. Absolutely. This way he wins almost everyone over. Everyone views him as this helpful guy, who’s always happy to help. But what they don’t know is underneath this happy-go-lucky act, lies a malicious individual who wants to assert his superiority. Sure no one sees it, but I do. You’re going to think I must be delusional. The guy sounds like a superstar, right? Well, here is where you’re wrong. You’re only seeing what he wants you to see. I actually work with him. There is a big difference between dealing with him superficially, like asking him to fix the fax in your office, and working alongside of him trying to perform tasks assigned to both of you. In the latter case, he does everything he can to belittle me and prove my inferiority.
And that’s when the Monster started coming around.
I don’t know how it knew so much about what’s going on in my life. Well, ok, that’s a lie. I told it everything. To be honest there was no one else to talk to but the Monster. It’s the only one who would listen to me and believe every word I say.
It believed me when I told it about the time I came up with this absolutely awesome idea to make a meeting room reservation program. We had a big problem with meeting rooms. It was on first come first serve basis. But the lack of organization created so much conflict when multiple groups required the same meeting room. So I went out of my way to write this program where people could reserve the meeting room online. Took me like seven weeks of hard work to iron out all the kinks. But then when I asked Adnan Sadeq for access to the meeting room information, so I can integrate my program with the existing system, he wouldn’t give me access to it. Whenever I asked him about it, he would act as if I’m harassing him. He kept avoiding me, ignoring me, and doing all he could to make my idea fail. He was successful.
The Monster is the only one who took my words for fact. It didn’t try to make excuses for Adnan. Tell me that I’m over reacting; that I need to chill out and find peace. The Monster didn’t try to tell me that Adnan Sadeq was doing what he thought best for the company. What he thought best for the company? What does that even mean? The fact is, he loved chaos. Without a room reservation system everyone would need to come to him and take his permission before using the meeting room. And he loves that. He loves being the center of attention. He adores having power over everyone around him.
The Monster understood the rage I felt. It didn’t only understand, it felt the rage. No one else shares my burden the way the Monster shares it. It feels so good venting my anger without being met with cynicism. Or even worse, when someone tells you, “You need to find peace, brother.” You know who told me that? Adnan Sadeq. Peace? He speaks smooth words, but his intentions are daggers. He knows how to push my buttons. He knows how to enrage me. Oh, he can stop so easily. He can simply change the way he deals with me, but he doesn’t do it. Why? Because he doesn’t care if I have peace. He only cares about himself.
Talking about self righteousness, one time Adnan and I were given the responsibility of organizing a training course for new employees. I had coordinated with one of my long time co-workers to head a section of the course. But Adnan took the opportunity I wasn’t around for the first day of the course and changed everything I prepared. He even prevented the employee I nominated from teaching the course. His reason? The employee’s attitude. “His attitude,” he said. “Is not constructive and we don’t want to give the new hires a bad impression about the company.”
What is that suppose to mean? Even if he disagreed with who should give the training course, he should’ve talked to me ahead of time. Not wait until I wasn’t around and change everything. I argued with him over the phone for hours. But like a snake, I didn’t get any straight answers out of him. To provoke me further he claimed that the boss gave him the lead role in this task. What? I was there when the boss gave both of us the responsibility. How could he now claim sole leadership? He had a very convenient answer for that too.
“I talked to the boss privately and he put me in charge,” Adnan said.
And even more convenient, the boss was gone on a long trip and we couldn’t confirm or deny Adnan’s claims. Remember what I told you? I’m not good at confronting people. Well that asshole Adnan knew how to take full advantage of that. He made my blood boil; made me lose my cool. I was screaming my head off. But he was so calm and composed and didn’t even blink. I bet he had it all planned out. Make me lose my composure and look like an idiot in front of everyone.
I came back home that day and told everything to the Monster. I swear the more I told it my story the bigger it got. It seemed to get larger and uglier with every word I said. It felt good seeing my words have this impact on it. Most of the time if I try to tell my stories to anyone else, they just accuse me of making up scenarios in my head. But I’m not. These are real events. I’m stating facts here, not made up hallucinations.
I lost count of how many times Adnan screwed me over, got me angry, annoyed me and flatly made me look like a piece of shit. Going to work has become a tumultuous affair. I dread the moment when the alarm rings in the morning. Another day of having to watch my back around him; not knowing what he has in store for me.
“You have to stand up for yourself,” the Monster says. Well it’s more like it barks it or roars it.
“What do you want me to do? He already won.”
“You’re a coward. You’re the one letting him walk all over you.”
“There is nothing I can do.”
The Monster takes the knife I was cutting my burger with and stabs it in the table in rage. I pull my hand back, shocked. It had never reacted this way before. It must be because it sees that I’m at the end of my rope. I stare into the eyes of the Monster. A dark, black hole. It’s like looking into the abyss of my soul.
The Monster’s eyes changes ever so slightly. I can see a flicker of red, like a spark of fire ignite in the pure blackness of hate.
I finally wave my hand in resignation. “Everyone thinks he’s God’s gift on earth. There is nothing I can do to tarnish his image.”
The Monster slaps me. I feel my brain rattle inside my skull. Everything spins at a dizzying rate. When I am able to get back some of my composure, the Monster is no longer there.
“Good riddance,” I feel my face and am glad when there are no bruises.
I finish my soup, sit in front of the TV until I can’t keep my eyes open any longer and then I head off to bed. For some weird reason, I miss the Monster. I have all these angry thought and emotions swirling in my brain. I wish it was here so I can tell it everything. It gives me an immense sense of self satisfaction when the Monster validates my anger and hate. Oh well, I guess I have to pine alone.
I twist and turn in my bed. Sleep escapes my eyes as memories of confrontations with Adnan attack me. I feel like a man being whipped by these memories. They are torturous.
I see the time when he calmly derided me for being gullible and believing another company’s marketing pitch.
SLASH.
And the time when he belittled my thoughts on how to improve the company’s IT structure.
SLASH.
And the time when he refused to let me present my marketing idea to the boss.
SLASH.
The images flash through my mind at breakneck speeds. My anger builds up and I explode into a scream. I put all my frustration and dismay in it. I hope I didn’t wake up the neighbors.
Eventually, I drift off to sleep.
I wake up to a cloudy day. After my morning routine, I get to work, dragging my feet, dreading the moment I lay eyes on Adnan Sadeq. But I don’t see him. He didn’t come to work today. The relief I feel is indescribable. It’s like I’m floating on a cloud the whole day. I perform my work with this complete feeling of content. I wish every day is like today. It’s glorious.
The clock hits five in the evening, I almost don’t want to go home. Tomorrow Adnan Sadeq will be back at work and the relief I feel right now is going to evaporate. Poof. Gone. I’ll be back living in my personal hell, having to deal with the snake Adnan. But alas, tomorrow will always come, no matter how much I try to put it off.
I go home and lay on the couch. There is nothing good on TV. I must’ve drifted off to sleep, because I wake up on the sound of soft moaning. At first I think it’s just my imagination, but then I hear it again. It’s coming from the bathroom. My heart pumps really hard. Is there an intruder in the apartment? I scramble to the kitchen and grab a mean looking knife. I’ve never been in a fight before, so I don’t even know if I can protect myself with it. The moaning continues. I tip-toe to the bathroom. I’m not going to lie to you, but my knees are shaking with fear. There’s been a bunch of home invasions in the neighborhood recently. Am I next? It’s terrifying. I stand by the bathroom door. It takes me a moment to gather every ounce of courage I have. Then I burst in with a terrifying yell, or is it a terrified yell? One or the other.
I freeze.
In my bathtub, there is a man, his eyes covered, his mouth gagged, his hands and feet securely tied. His fingers appear broken and his face heavily bruised. When he hears my entrance he retracts in shock and mumbles a few words through the gag. I don’t understand what he’s saying, but his tone begs for his life.
It’s Adnan Sadeq.
What the hell is that fuck doing in my bathroom?
What surprises me though is after my shock passes a deep sense of satisfaction rolls over me. Seeing the man I absolutely hate broken and miserable sends excited butterflies through my stomach.
I smile.
And when I look in the mirror, I see the Monster stare back at me.