I am a Christian and a Hypocrite. Or am I? I struggle with this question everyday. I say one thing but do another. I seem to echo the words of St. Paul: "For that which I do I allow not; for what I would; that do I not; but what I hate, that I do" (Romans 7:15) Also: "For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do" (Romans 7:19) So what about that? No one likes a hypocrite, including me. They cause problems. They make people feel bad, preaching at people, but at the same time not setting an example by their actions. You know what they say, actions speak louder than words.
So where does the problem lie?
Why does it seems like one of the biggest complaints people have against Christians is that they are hypocrites?
I can't speak for others, but I can look within myself and try to draw some conclusions. St. Paul says:
"If then I do that which I would not, I consent unto the law that it is good" (Romans 7:16)
So after some self reflection and examination, I find that when I do evil, I don't like it that much, but I find myself unable to stop myself. I seem to have a war raging within me. And I think that's the biggest difference between a Christian Hypocrite and a Christian Sinner. We are all sinners. We all try our best to walk the Christian walk, but because of weakness we fall. In my opinion, that's not hypocrisy. This is life.
"For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again: but the wicked shall fall into mischief" (Proverbs 24:16)
To me a hypocrite is someone who puts on a mask to hide his true appearance. He hides it behind a false mask of righteousness. And the funny thing is, he's completely comfortable with that. He has no qualms about saying one thing and doing another; talking the talk but not walking the walk. And when he's confronted with his hypocrisy, he comes up with a ton of excuses for his actions. He can never admit a mistake.
A sinner is not like that. A great story to illustrate this:
"Two men went up into the temple to pray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican. The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican. I fast twice in the week, I give tithes of all that I possess. And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner. I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other: for every one that exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted." (Luke 18:10-14)
I don't think this is a signal to go ahead and do whatever we want, and say I'm weak. That's not an excuse. We have to fight the good fight. We have to struggle to put on Christ. We have to set an example. But I think the biggest thing is to be ready to admit when we make a mistake. Be ready to humble ourselves and tell our accusers, you're right and I am wrong. We have to be ready to correct our mistakes, and backtrack when we realize that we went down the wrong path.
I think that lots of people have trouble with Christians, because we don't do that. We make mistakes and we insist on continuing in them, just so we don't admit our short comings. Pride. Pride, I tell ya. It's the downfall of us all. It's so easy to creep in, that sometimes it's hard to weed it out.
To be honest, I think that's why God sometimes can deal us some tough situations, just so he can destroy our pride. He doesn't do that, because he has such a big ego that he can't handle other egos. Quite the opposite. He has no ego. C.S. Lewis wrote something that really struck me. God is so humble, He deals in such humility, that it's hard for us to fathom. He is the King of kings and Lord of lords. He is the creator of heaven and earth. He is the Almighty. He says and no one can turn back his words. He works and no one can find out his works from beginning to end. His thoughts are way above our thoughts and his ways are not our ways. He is merciful, loving, just, patient not willing anyone to parish. He is willing to accept people, even after they have exhausted every other avenue. Can you imagine that?
Just sit there and think about it. God, waits patiently and sometimes takes away everything from us, so that we realize that all this stuff can not really help us. And what do we do? We lose one thing and then hold onto another. We keep pushing God back in our priority list. Let's try money; let's try friends; let's try work; let's try family; let's try our enemies, appease them. And finally, when we're left alone and no one is willing to stand by us, we turn to God and tell him, "Yo God, we need you". And God accepts that. Who would? Any one with any sense of dignity, would not accept someone who goes to him as the last resort. It's crazy. But God does it.
Look at what God says to the people of Israel:
"They say, If a man put away his wife, and she go from him, and become another man's, shall he return unto her again? shall not that land be greatly polluted? but thou hast played the harlot with many lovers; yet return again to me, saith the Lord." (Jeremiah 3:1)
God is willing to accept us even after we had done the worst of the worst. Even after we have exhausted all other contingencies. But once we finally decide to return to God, we better be willing to repent and put away our wrong doings. Because by this point we know that there is nothing out there which can save:
"Truly in vain is salvation hoped for from the hills, and from the multitude of mountains: truly in the Lord our God is the salvation of Israel." (Jeremiah 3:23)
So you see, I don't think I'm a hypocrite. I'm a sinner, yes. I struggle with myself every single minute of the day, yes. But I repent every day. I fall, and I get up. I drown and God snatches me out of the waves that cover me. God is continually helping me; strengthening me. Sometimes, I see it, sometimes I don't. But whether I see God's help or not; whether, I feel Him or not, I should have confidence that He is there. Because he has been good to me.
"Except the Lord of hosts had left unto us a very small remnant, we should have been as Sodom, and we should have been like unto Gomorrah." (Isaiah 1:9)