I don't know about you guys, but I spend a good portion of my day doing paid work. As much as I have a dream to do whatever I want, the reality is that I have to make money so I can feed my family. Therefore, work satisfaction becomes very important. If you're spending 8 to 10 hour days doing work and you feel unmotivated it becomes a weight hard to bare. I keep thinking and analysing what exactly would makes me enjoy work? To be honest with myself, it is doing what I want when I want, or as close to that as possible. Obviously, I can't just not do what the company needs me to do, but at least I'd like to feel like I have my say in how things get done.
Today, I had this weird argument with my manager, who just happens to be my age. He just got into the position of managing the Lustre team a couple months back, because the previous manager went to google.
Just to give some context. We have a hardware lab which we use to test our software. We can, supposedly, reserve machines in there and then use them for testing our changes. The lab is horribly managed. So I took it upon myself to tell my manager that the lab needs to be managed better. He asks, if I'd like to manage some of the machines there. Again some context, my manager has a dry and weird sense of humour. I ask him, are you joking? He responds: No I'm asking. So I tell him, I don't mind. I can help out if needed. Then somehow the conversation changes into how I should concentrate on my tasks and not bother with other work. I'm like, how the hell did the conversation go down that road. I didn't start by saying I want to manage some of the machines in the lab. I was just telling him it's hard reserving machines, and since you're the manager, it's your job to handle this issue.
From there, I go into this rant:
First of all, let me ask. Do you see some negligence in my work?
Second, I think it's a mis-statement to think I'm the customer's first point of contact. Take a look at the customer ticket, before you say that.
Third, I think i have said this several times, my career goal is not to be an [Software module name] engineer for the rest of my life (which seems to be what my manager and my manager's manager are okay with. And I don't know what more to do to clarify to them that it's not my career goal)
Fourth, I think I have displayed that I can help out in different areas without letting my work slide. I derive my job satisfaction by being involved in different areas.
Here is the problem. The whole discussion started by me requesting him to look at the lab reservation system and make it better. I'm not interested in getting involved in that. He asks, if I'd be interested in managing some portion of the lab. I tell him, ok sure, why not. He backtracks and says, well that's not my job. No shit Sherlock. I never said it was my job. I was just trying to be a good team player and help where it's needed.
Then from there he somehow starts implying that I'm a big customer's first point of contact, which is absolutely false. I did a lot of work on a project for this customer and the particular ticket I'm referring to in my rant was opened and assigned to someone else, but the architect asked me to help that person test his changes, because I've done it before.
It's a messed up conversation.
Going back to the work satisfaction point. I don't mind my job. I have a good measure of control over what I do. And it appears like the best thing to do is not to talk to any of the managers and just do the job that needs to be done. I think they are good people, but bad managers.
I have gotten quite good feedback from Zac Fudge and Momona Komagata on the script. Here is an overview of the changes I'm considering for the script: Script Updates
I watched a video yesterday:
I thought Curtis Holt made a good argument about the trade off of making your hobby your job, and the risk you might end up hating your hobby. But as I was watching through it, I realized he was really talking about younger people; single with no one relying on them having a job which brings in a steady income; a category I fall square in. Now I have to put a note here. I know nothing about Curtis. I'm merely saying his argument pertains to the group I mentioned, at least in my humble opinion.
I've always enjoyed writing, but I never thought I could make a living out of it. And I grew up in a culture and an environment which encourages young people to pursue more "concrete" careers, like engineering or computer science. And I did end up being a computer scientist. I can't say it was a bad decision. I've been employed (knock on wood) since I graduated. And I enjoy my current work. But sometimes I think, would I've been more satisfied if I had pursued a career in the arts. Maybe become a filmmaker at the end. However, when I sit back and think about it I can see two major paths towards that goal, had I pursued it from my college days.
- I would've had to pay my dues, work small jobs, and climb the ladder from there. Maybe end-up being a director for hire.
- I would've specialized in a field, say sound engineering, or lighting and sort of stayed stagnant.
The truth of the matter is if you look at film crews you find people who had made a career of being a 1st AD or a 2nd AD or some other job on set. And sitting here right now, having the benefit of 20/20 hind sight, I know I would've hated my life if I had taken option two. Not saying people who choose this path are wrong. Absolutely not. It is a personal journey and success shouldn't be measured by decisions others make. It should be measured by improvements and forward steps you make in your own life.
With option 1 I'm forced to ask how likely is it? Yeah, I know the idiom, if you work hard you can achieve anything. But at what cost? At what cost would this path have been? My private life? My family life? Having worked on sets, the days are long. They can go up to 16 hours. And if my goal was to become a director, then I would have had to dedicate my life to that goal until it's achieved and then I can pull back. I'm just not sure if that's something I would've enjoyed. And really at the end, you're working to bring someone's else's vision to life. And there is nothing wrong with that. I help people bring their vision to life when I help out on set. I think we have to pay it forward. We have to help and prop each other up. But as a career, I'm not sure if it would've made me happy.
At the end of the day, I decided to keep my hobby a hobby and become a Software Developer. I've made movies which are largely obscure, but they are my ideas. I have written novels. I have written short stories. And who knows maybe one day something I do will make it big. But I don't think that's my goal anymore.
I come now to my main point. The journey to achieve a goal is more satisfying than the goal itself. But without the goal there can be no journey. Whether it is a hobby or a career, setting a goal and putting your utmost effort into achieving it is all anyone can ask for. When it's all said and done, I can look back at the journey and feel that I have accomplished something. That I have trudged the road less travelled. Don't let people tell you just cause you're making movies, or whatever else, as a hobby, then you're not a professional, you're somehow less. Those people are haters. They don't know the meaning of being a professional. A professional is a person who sets a goal, plans and never lets up until the goal is achieved.