One day I was tired of work. I remember that day I kept thinking that I was treated unfairly…
I don’t understand, just because I am a co-op, I am treated less than dirt. I have no rights and I am ignored every time I ask for anything. I have no manager at work and that means if I have any complaints then… oh well… too bad… Okay, let’s be fair, Graham, my team lead, is a pretty okay guy, but still I am not getting the experience that I want to get. I want to get technical, C++, C, JAVA, hardware, drivers, all these goodies that are just at the tips of my fingers but still out of my reach. What’s wrong?
I could have taken that other job with… What are they called?… Ummm … Ah, I can’t remember… who cares what their name is… I could’ve gotten a job there and I would be working with Borland C++ and I would be getting a ton better experience… Instead I am stuck doing Gui.
Okay, and that’s not it. I referred a person to the company and he was successfully hired at my company… Well, the company that I work for. And according to an incentive plan they recently started I was supposed to get two grand… but NOOO, I am just a co-op…
Can’t you see what’s wrong with this picture? No? Well let me tell you the short version: Everything. I am not getting the experience I want. I am not getting my money… Everything is wrong… Just everything.
So after I’ve had a long day at work, it was eight at night and I was exhausted, frustrated from work… I’ve just had it for the day. I took my car and drove off. I was extremely angry. I felt mistreated. I felt bad. I felt like I needed to blame someone. Usually it ended up that I blamed myself.
I screamed at the top of my lungs… AAAh… That was good… AAAAAAAAh… Even better. But it’s just not fair. Life simply… sucked. What more could go wrong?
I turned into a small street. I was about fifteen minutes away from my house.
What more could go wrong? I asked myself again. Just then, the car made a weird gurgling noise as I tried to shift gears and stalled. I parked it at the side of the abandoned road.
AAAAAAAAh… I let out a loud angry cry. I got out and slammed the door shut.
“Why me?” I shouted at the air. “WHY ME?” I repeated.
Who was I talking to?
I am sick of blaming myself. Everything that went wrong I had to blame on my negligence. Well, I am tired. I am very tired. I am not the one to blame here, who is?
“Why did you create me?” I asked loudly. Finally I realized whom I was talking to.
“Why did you create me? Just so I would suffer?” I waited for an answer and I received none. “What’s the point of creating humans? What? You can have all what you want? Why did you create me?”
No answer.
“Yeah, that’s right. Don’t answer me. Who am I after all? Just a useless, young noisy and annoying kid. I don’t deserve nothing… Here we go again. I hate this. I am blaming myself again. It’s all my fault. It’s always my fault.”
I sat on the hood of my car. Moments went by in silence. Suddenly, I felt a drop of water on my hand, then another and another. Before I knew it, it was pouring rain. Within a couple of minutes I was drenched. I didn’t know why I didn’t go inside the car.
AAAAAAAh. I let out another cry. It carried all the anger and frustration I was feeling at the moment, but still it made me feel no better than a minute ago.
Suddenly I heard a gentle voice.
“Excuse me, you wanted to talk to me?” It sounded like it came from all around me at once, but at the same time I knew its source was behind me. It carried a wisdom that transcended the boundaries of time. Although I never heard that voice before, it was as if I knew it forever, since the beginning of my existence. I turned around and I was face to face with … God, the Lord Jesus Christ. Although I’ve never seen him before, I instantly recognized Him.
“You wanted to talk to me?” He repeated.
“Yes,” I said. I couldn’t keep the anger and frustration from contaminating my tone of voice.
“Why did you create me? Why did you create humans? What’s the point? What… Just what’s the point?
“I’ll answer your question if you answer mine. Why are you so angry at me?”
“Why?” I asked puzzled, as if the answer was so obvious. “My car stalled.”
“And how’s that my fault?” God asked in surprise.
I opened my mouth to reply, but suddenly I found that I had no answer.
“Well… Well… I am not doing what I want at work.”
“Okay, let me ask you something: Do you think you have the same technical experience and technical knowledge that you had six months ago?”
“No,” I shot. “But that’s not the point.”
“Oh really, then what is?”
“Well… Well… I could’ve been doing more interesting stuff if I took that other job.”
“What other job?”
“You know that other one. The one I would have been doing C++ in.”
“So that’s my fault? That you chose this job over the other one?”
“Well… Well… not exactly… but… but…”
“So what you’re saying is that it’s not my fault.”
“Okay, fine. It’s all my fault. Choosing this job was my fault. Not getting the two thousand dollars is my fault. Everything is my fault… I am to blame.”
“Take it easy, son. Why are you trying so hard to blame someone? Why don’t you just make the best with what you’ve got?”
“What’s the point? No matter what I do, I am never rewarded. Nothing comes easy. Why did you have to create me? Answer me that.”
There was a pause. We were both standing in the rain. I was drenched; he was standing there and not even a drop of rain touched him.
“Does a thing ask its maker: Why did you make me?”
“Yes, when that thing thinks and seeks answers.”
There was another pause.
“I thought I answered this question everyday you wake up.”
“No, you didn’t.”
“Yes I did. Did you ever wake up and find that there’s no air to breath or no sun to warm the weather? Did you ever wake up missing an arm or a leg? Did you ever look and didn’t find my blessings? Did you ever look for your mother and she turned you down? Did you ever ask your father for something and he denied you? Did you ever sleep hungry? Did you ever go to church and you weren’t let in? Were you ever cold and hopeless? Answer me.”
I tried to say yes to any of these questions, but I couldn’t.
“No, but that doesn’t answer my question.”
“Doesn’t it? Well, if you haven’t figure it out after all this, then the answer is because I LOVE you. It’s because I love you I created you. It’s because I love and enjoy your presence. It’s because I love hearing your voice when you talk to me. It’s because I wait eagerly every night to hear your prayer and praise.” A pause. “So does that answer your question?”
“Then why am I so angry? Why do I feel like I am treated like a no body?”
God shook His head, “I don’t know, that’s a question I should be asking you. Why are you so angry and upset?”
There was a long period of silence. I tried to think of something, but nothing came to mind.
“Do you think if you were unimportant, I would have come and talked to you?” God asked.
Again I opened my mouth to say something, but I didn’t find any words to utter.
“Let me tell you something, you are very important to me. If you think that no one in the whole world appreciates you then be sure that I do. I think you’re an amazing kid. You’re my son after all.” He smiled. I couldn’t help but chuckle.
There was another long pause.
“It’s just sometimes I feel so bad. I feel I need to blame someone for how I am feeling.”
“Do you feel like that now?”
I had to admit I was feeling much better. I felt like a heavy wait has been lifted off my chest.
“No,” I answered.
“Then how do you feel?”
“I feel much better, thank you.”
God put his arm around my shoulder.
“Why do you think you feel better?”
“I don’t know.” I was puzzled. Why did I feel better?
“Didn’t I promise that if you put your worries on me, I would take care of you? And trust me I never forget a word I say.”
“Why can’t you be with me all the time then?”
“I am. Let me tell you, I am with you every second of your life. Maybe you don’t physically see me, but you can see me with your heart.” He put the palm of His hand on my chest and I felt great comfort spread through my heart. “Didn’t you recognize me once you heard my voice?”
I nodded.
It’s because I am with you all the time. You’re a part of me. If you let me in your heart, I will dwell there and you’ll be happy every single moment of your life no matter what you go through. Because, you’re not going to go through these hard times alone. I’ll be there beside you, and when times get too hard and you think you can’t handle it, I’ll carry you on my back and cross with you the sea of tribulations. All you have to do is let me in. Let me help you.”
“Please…” At this moment, I felt that my heart was really open. I needed God to take over. For the first time in a long, long while, this feeling was truly there.
I just said ‘please’, then I blinked. When I opened my eyes a split second later, I was standing in front of my house completely dry, my car parked where I usually park it.
“Remember… Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” God’s voice echoed in my heart.